Jeez, it’s hard getting noticed in this world. What’s a girl got to do in order to stir up a little excitement? I’ve been stuck to this computer for weeks trying to kick up some shit online, and I’ve got nothing but carpel tunnel syndrome. I’d do better schlepping a giant cross around Midtown screaming about the end of the world then blogging about my artistic aspirations.
Perhaps I have not spelled it out clearly enough. You know, there is so much online that it can get confusing, who’s who and what’s what. For example, I joined Twitter this week and I’d have better luck neutering a pig than figuring that shit out. Yes, I figured out how to
stalk follow people I love – for me subscribing to my favorite super star’s every thought is like a big Walk of Fame Wet Dream. But then I’ve got 2 problems – 1. I’ve spent my entire life trying to HIDE my thoughts from people (too weird, too inappropriate) and it’s kind of weird letting go, kind of like pulling your pants down and shitting in public 2. How do you get people to follow you? And, why would anyone follow me (@ry4nok Friend or Fo?) Why would anyone follow anyone of lesser status than @Obama or @nickiminajoffic ???
Ok, so the point is that it’s time to focus the marketing efforts here. Poignant, targeted messages to the right people. That’s right! No different from a cat food ad.
Ladies and Gentleman of the Universe.
My name is Bridgitte Raven.
I am a great, I mean really great singer.
I have dreamed the greatest dream of becoming a Singer Performer.
(I have a feeling I wouldn’t be too bad at stand up, acting and sitcom script writing either)
And recently I have decided to make that dream a reality.
I am 31 – I have 3 kids – their daddy is all the same guy and I am still married to him.
I got IT (no, not an STD) – IT – as in The X Factor, The Voice, The Star Thing that you just got or ya don’t. I got it.
And I want to share it.
With the entire world.
I singed up to all the relevant websites that make get people famous. I have been a good girl. I am determined. I am addicted to coffee and Ellen YouTube clips.
I will lay my shit bare.
I’ve heard people say that, it’s cool.
I am looking to start a revolution. Yoko will (probably) not join me, and my kids need to be picked up in a hour, so I will not be starting this revolution from my bed.
You can relate to me. I am human. I have kids. I have agita. I am awkward. I think I am cool but I am probably not. My house is a mess. I am young, I am old. I have a dream, I have ambition, I have fears.
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Give me feedback, tell me what you’d like to see/hear. Be my friend and I will return the favor – by bringing you strong, powerful positive music – by being a Star you can trust and believe in, that you can inspire you, that you can support without worrying about when I will forget my underwear and dance in a cage or hump a cake.
Unless you like that, in which case I’m sure it can be arranged.